guess he was right

my head is killing me and I am so anxious. I guess I'll be going back to see him tomorrow.

I feel so good! I went to talk to this guy, his name is Jim. He's a doctor, and he talked to me and I feel so light, like everything is lifted off of my shoulders!

I saw this ad online, while looking at websites about 9/11, and it said they could help me control my emotions. I really really needed to do that, so I emailed them. It was free, too!

I emailed them and they immediately assigned me someone who would help me. He emailed me the next day and we met at this building. I think it used to be a school or something.

It was kind of scary, going in. When I was walking down the hall to get to his room (room 322!) I saw that same woman in the red dress! She was wearing a black one, and she was in a room with a little girl. I think she was helping the little girl like Jim is helping me. The little girl was wearing these sparkly butterfly wings, but she was crying and the lady hugged her. Jim said crying was part of the healing, but I didn't cry at my meeting.

Jim says I'll probably need to go back, but I feel really good! I've never woken up and felt so good before! I'm going to go for a walk, soon.

It's been a bad few days.

I had a panic attack. I thought the water coming from my tap smelled sweet, and it terrified me! I don't know why I do this to myself.

My neighbor checks on me every once in a while. Good thing he did, or else I'd have never gotten to the hospital. I was really dehydrated. I hadn't eaten in a while, either.

If the goddamn government weren't poisoning EVERYTHING I PUT IN MY MOUTH, I WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

I went for a walk today, it was nice. There's a park down my street, where my mom used to take me. I sat on the swings, but since it's getting cold, there were no kids around.

On my way back, I stopped by a gas station to buy a soda. There was this woman in there, buying a hot dog. She was in this red dress, and she smiled at me before taking a bite.

It was an uncomfortable walk home.

So tired

I spent the whole day in my house, worrying that if I went outside I'd be killed somehow. This can't be a healthy way of thinking.

Maybe I need to go talk to someone.