feeling worse today

very anxious, very unsure of myself. maybe i need to start recruiting more people? i haven't had too many interested.

jim says there's a party soon. i'm going as his guest, but not if i still feel like this.

Butterfly pin?

Woke up with a smile on my face, but also wearing a butterfly pin? Wonder why that happened. I have to go talk to Jim today about my duties as an initiate.

i met with men, wearing masks. jim was the only one not in a mask.

one man asked if i was ready to cast aside my destructive personalities, and bring in new, useful ones.
said i was.
was given a pill.
asked what it was.
was told it is called a Chariot. it is my vehicle to a better life.
took it.

they then turned to jim and said something about hangman.

then they left.
jim drove me home.
sleep now.

Merveilleux

I officially join Merveilleux tonight! At midnight I have to meet them in Detroit at midnight. I'll let you know what goes down later. I had to fast for 2 days, so this better be worth it.

Feeling great again!

Jim started talking about his past. I've gone to see him 2 time a week for a while, and it's helping. I feel NORMAL. I told him how I felt like I was made of glass, and that I was breaking to pieces.

He said something like, when he felt that way, he visualized himself breaking to pieces, but instead of it being glass it was a mirror. He looked into each piece and saw a different part of him, and he embraced them.

I didn't even know he used to deal with the same things i do. good to know I am not alone! He said that, since he started helping people, he started feeling better for longer. Said I need to get involved in something.

Since my parents died, I never really had any reason to do anything. They left enough money that I can just kind of sit around and do nothing. But maybe if I started helping out this group, life would be better?

I'm scared, but I'm considering it.

guess he was right

my head is killing me and I am so anxious. I guess I'll be going back to see him tomorrow.

I feel so good! I went to talk to this guy, his name is Jim. He's a doctor, and he talked to me and I feel so light, like everything is lifted off of my shoulders!

I saw this ad online, while looking at websites about 9/11, and it said they could help me control my emotions. I really really needed to do that, so I emailed them. It was free, too!

I emailed them and they immediately assigned me someone who would help me. He emailed me the next day and we met at this building. I think it used to be a school or something.

It was kind of scary, going in. When I was walking down the hall to get to his room (room 322!) I saw that same woman in the red dress! She was wearing a black one, and she was in a room with a little girl. I think she was helping the little girl like Jim is helping me. The little girl was wearing these sparkly butterfly wings, but she was crying and the lady hugged her. Jim said crying was part of the healing, but I didn't cry at my meeting.

Jim says I'll probably need to go back, but I feel really good! I've never woken up and felt so good before! I'm going to go for a walk, soon.